@upsidedowntrash: [Mulder softly whispering "I want to" at every exhibit in the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.]
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@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT
@GrantTanaka: at my funeral, I need one of you to stand up and ask if you can have your toaster back
@caribdonna: My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right.