@illiter8too: Murder is justifiable if it's against a person who calls you and hands their phone off to another person with whom you didn't wish to speak.
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@Mirimade: CHILD: *breathes* PERSON: You need to keep your child under control, they should be still, quiet, unhappy and oppressed like an adult at all times! PUPPY: *bites persons face off and pees on them* PERSON: Don’t you dare apologize, he’s a puppy! He’s still learning!
@QwertyJones3: [Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino.
@BoobsRadley: Therapist: resentment is like drinking poison in the vain hope it makes your enemies sick Me: not if I'm banking on them eating my body