@bush_piglet: Murphy's Law - If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. Cole's Law - shredded cabbage in mayo
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@drxubair: I'd love to change the world. But I don't think there is a diaper big enough to hold all the shit.
@graceful_asfuck: Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long.