@bush_piglet: Murphy's Law - If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. Cole's Law - shredded cabbage in mayo
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@ramenfuneral: sent someone a text that said "you need medieval catheter" when i actually meant "medical attention" and i didn't bother correcting myself
@MrIceMachine: Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly.
@NotJPo: Your wife will always agree to let you go out and get drunk with your friends and as long as you're smart and don't go.