@: My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.
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@Browtweaten: Inventor of the ceiling fan: It has two speeds: off and Mach 2 Friend: What? Inventor: There’s also a switch on it so no one will know which way it’s supposed to turn Friend: Who hurt you?
@ChickenColeman: How to break up with someone- You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: which one? You: MEEEEE BYEEEEEEEE