@: My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.
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@DaddyJew: Your son has been suspended "for what?" He hit a kid who was picking on another child "so what, yall ran out of ice cream to give him?"
@TheAlexNevil: "Give me the bad news, Doc--how long have I got?" "Your wife's procedure will be an outpatient one so unfortunately you can't go to Vegas."
@hell_doe: hey it's me, the girl who just googled "chemistry alphabet" when i meant "periodic table"