@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is singing the rare 19 hour version of "Let It Go", using only 3 words.
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@dumbbeezie: If there was a game show where people have to find a phone charger before their phone dies I would win the million dollars
@KeetPotato: "if you could be any animal what would you be" a cat "why a cat" [imagines being a complete shithead for literally no reason] naps and stuff
@zacharyflynn: How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?
@SlickestOfRicks: "Maybe connect two monocles together? Pretty good idea. I have to write this down." - the guy that invented the pen