@TheCiscoKidder: My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn't find it so we're outside watching the house burn.
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@GingerHotDish: I sent my boyfriend a picture of my taco. Yeah, he was disappointed that wasn't a euphemism as well.
@maddie11_Anders: Do you think that a funeral director signs his letters with ' yours eventually'?
@causticbob: GF: "I'm telling you now! Size does not matter, it doesn't make you any less important." BF: "Yeah? Well explain that to Pluto."