@AmericanGent69: My 4 year old niece won't eat the grilled cheese I just made her because it looks funny. Kinda choosy for someone that just ate a crayon.
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@ArfMeasures: 14yo: My voice keeps randomly changing DOCTOR: That's normal at your age 14yo: [Batman voice] Thank you doctor DOCTOR: That's not normal
@heatherlou_: As a mom, I'm super excited about the rock collection my daughter just told me she's starting.
@UncleDuke1969: [first date] ME: How do you spend your free time? HER: I read a lot. I enjoy studying the big questions. Like... Do we have free will? Does God exist? Is our universe real? What do you think about? ME: I've always wondered how Dumbo's hat stayed on when he was flying.
@smedlee: APOCALYPSE SURVIVOR: "We must conserve resources. Only people with useful skills! What's yours?" ME: "I write and want to dir--" "GUNSHOT*
@stockejock: Twitter reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, 'Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?'
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