@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old said he wants to go to JFK for some chicken. He won't be majoring in history.
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@RidiculousSheri: [on a date] *don't let him know you're a bird* Him: I'll drive us. I just had my car cleaned and detailed. Me: *poops all over windshield*
@McMcmadmac: My grandpa use to tell us about walking 10 miles to school. I tell my grandchildren about walking across the room to change channels!
@Neauxpe: The last time I wore a red shirt, I went to Target and laid off 8 people in the morning team huddle.