@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
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@FlyJ_: I went to the gym today. Just kidding, I walked down the block and yelled at the neighbor kids for screaming while I'm trying to nap.
@hazelmotes1: Press Conference: How do you respond to accusations that you over sexualize everything? Me: *slowly takes entire microphone into mouth*
@MelvinofYork: At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
@scot4bz: I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and still haven't pooped it out. I'm getting really concerned.