@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
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@SufficientCharm: What do you mean you're not going to spank me? I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you?
@CornOnTheGoblin: "You promise you didn't get me bees again" [me from a distance] just open it
@runawaycupcake: If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would've become a lesbian.