@copymama: My 4yo picked up a toy and put it away without being asked, and I just stared at her like she was a woodland animal I didn't want to scare.
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@3sunzzz: [interview at Bass Pro Shops] So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: *dressed in camouflage* Wait, you can see me?!
@faizziy: Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
@robfee: How to make the World Cup more exciting: Refs are on stilts The ball screams when kicked Kissing is legal 1 player gets to use a car Snakes
@envydatropic: Nothing good can come from a gay man greeting you with an up and down look followed by an "Oh, honey"