@UncleDuke1969: Mrs. Potato Head: OH MY GOD! Mr. Potato Head: What? Mrs. PH: Your browser history. Mr. PH: I can explain! Mrs. PH: TATER TOTS YOU PERVERT?!?

@SamGrittner: DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy? ME: Yes I am DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them ME: Eve- DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti

@behindyourback: I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.

@BuckyIsotope: I will be celebrating Columbus Day by setting sail for India, landing in Spain, and telling everyone who lives there to move out.

@mulliganstewed: As soon as my daughter realizes Jamacians, Irish, & wizards don't all have the same accent, I'm probably going to get fired from storytime.