@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old is looking all over the house for his drumsticks but he won't have any luck finding them without a shovel.
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@UncleDuke1969: Mrs. Potato Head: OH MY GOD! Mr. Potato Head: What? Mrs. PH: Your browser history. Mr. PH: I can explain! Mrs. PH: TATER TOTS YOU PERVERT?!?
@SamGrittner: DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy? ME: Yes I am DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them ME: Eve- DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti
@behindyourback: I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
@BuckyIsotope: I will be celebrating Columbus Day by setting sail for India, landing in Spain, and telling everyone who lives there to move out.