@Scimommy: #MakeAFilmUncomfortable Four Wedgies and a Funeral
@ghostkrogh: fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due
me: say it
fred: pls no
me: i'm not paying
fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due
me: haha
@SufficientCharm: A woman isn't really heartbroken unless she does something drastic to her hair.
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long.
@ojedge: Vet: "I can see the head…
…here's the neck…
…more neck…
…more neck…
…neck…
…neck…
…neck…
…still more neck…
…neck…
…it's a giraffe!"
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