@emsykay: Animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before the last earthquake,our dog took the car keys and drove off

@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home.

@Brianhopecomedy: "Moooooooo" - bilingual donkey

@Underchilde: I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t count their donuts before leaving a drive-thru.

@Mike_Bianchi: Sometimes I run alongside trains, tearfully waving, just so people will think I have a girlfriend.