@ArfMeasures: [Chasing a fox on my bike] ME: How is he reaching the pedals?!

@shariv67: It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again.

@LilFlaOrange30: I'm like a cartoon character, not because I'm cute or funny, but because I wear the same clothes every day.

@CelebrityChez: If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.

@stevemcgrew: Bam! Problem solved