@ElleAys: My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days.
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@mrsmith196645: Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening.
@mjm866: My two year old just learned to say shut up. Coincidentally I just lost all guilt about clothes lining a toddler.
@david8hughes: [wife drops me at the airport] Wife: have a safe flight Me: I have no say in the matter Wife [already driving off]: die then
@PFitzpa: Swarming gnats, but instead of annoying you, they provide compliments. "You look pretty." "Dinner was delicious." "Way to handle that difficult coworker, Chris. We hate her."