@ElleAys: My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days.
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@ArfMeasures: Me *dying* no, no, no, I can't join the afterlife with these on [Later] Wife: What the hell is that noise? Son: I think that ghost is wearing flip flops
@Duke1173: I'd like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn't have done this without you
@ashmensch: It's the remix to ignition, I'm a terrible magician, I cut your grandma in half, And now my rabbit is missing.