@ElleAys: My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days.
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@nicfit75: Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb.
@_ethelbeavers: If you're pissed off about a non-white Santa Claus then I've got some very bad news for you about Jesus.
@pharmasean: My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Español marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person