@WGladstone: My 6 yr old asked me if "satire" is like a "flat tire." I told him no. People know how to handle a flat tire.
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@thongbeard: Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
@Chumpstring: In high school I was voted Most Likely to Be Shot Dead While Trying to Steal Something of Moderate Value From a Texan.
@lecalabara: My pet name for my manhood, for obvious reasons, is Whitesnake...You know, cuz... "Here I go again on my own".