@WGladstone: My 6 yr old asked me if "satire" is like a "flat tire." I told him no. People know how to handle a flat tire.
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@PaperWash: hey can I use your bathroom? cashier: only paying customers jesus...ok just give me 9 double whoppers with cheese, a chocolate shake, 2-
@Barknado69: [The Price Is Right] Bob Barker: what do you think the price of this washing machine is Me:*lips firmly pressed to mic* Right
@AngelaEhh: People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you'll miss them when they're grown and gone. I like to call those people liars.