@nicfit75: My 8yo's looking for a summer job. He's a pretty decent bartender if anyone's hiring.
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@RealCarrotFacts: Putting a carrot next to you in bed can almost fill the space where Megan used to slep
@fuzzlime: Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me! [wakes up on bathroom rug]
@TheNardvark: Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga's wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that's the dress code.