@Awesomemom10: My 9yo son just gave me a hug and told me thank you for not naming him Dick.
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@weinerdog4life: Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.
@cjwerleman: Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death.
@TheMichaelRock: Presidents Day was created by big corporations to get you to buy more presidents.
@GoldenSpirals: My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it's finished. There's no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.