@Kyle_Lippert: My autobiography will be a single piece of paper that says 'Ugh'
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@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]
@causticbob: Most people think that being in your 50s is now classed as the new 30s. Take my word for It, the police speed cameras think differently
@KalvinMacleod: A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.