@KoKeniSasquatch: My autocorrect changed epi to epic so this death is gonna be awesome.
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@bransonreese: My favorite bible character is the woman who wanted the baby and then when Solomon said he would cut the baby in half was like “hell yeah, gimme those legs”
@BuckyIsotope: I hate my job. The work sucks. The people suck. The pay sucks. *looks up and sees motivational poster on wall* Well this changes everything
@ShutUpThatsWho: [1st night w/Russian bride] "take yr panties off" [smaller panties underneath] "them too" [even smaller panties underneath] "damnit..."