@Darchstar078: My bank called me today to alert me my card was used for a gym membership and they doubted it was legit because they see where I go to eat.
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@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@roostermustache: Me: i'll have a beer Bartender: ok it's on the house buddy Me:*grabbing him by collar* then get it down, i'm not climbing up there again
@Home_Halfway: 1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream "WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"