@KKAlThani: My best exit strategy: 1)Play my ring tone 2)Excuse myself 3)Yell "OMG! I'm on my way now!" & tell them my brother had a bad car accident.
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@ohpegah: ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand DATE: ?? ME: It's on both hands, I should probably see a doctor
@SummerRay: I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses and now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.
@9GAG: Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
@UNTRESOR: "How did you sleep?" "On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."