@PetrickSara: My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming "I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"
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@sfreeze6: "Mrs. Doubtfire" is my favorite movie about a messy custody battle that gives way to horribly illegal and creepy transgendered stalking.
@doktorj: Me: "Can you go back four slides?" Bride: "To the wedding dress?" Me: "No, the cheese plate." Me: Wipes tears.
@doritoburritho: [using ouija board] Why isn't he responding to us? I'm annoyed H I A N N O Y E D I M D A D