@PetrickSara: My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming "I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"
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@jimmytorosian: *Buys map of world, pins it up on wall* *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands* *Visits the middle of the Atlantic Ocean*
@Marlebean: "They say children learn by example, even for potty training." -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn
@CakeThrottle: On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
@mymumps: [covered in olive oil, salt, pepper and other herbs and spices] Professor: "That's just not what I meant when I said "come prepared"..."