@PetrickSara: My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming "I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"
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@SteveKoehler22: Staples is attempting a hostile takeover of its rival Office Depot. Office Depot has retaliated by snapping rubber bands at Staples.
@robdelaney: Maybe if wommen's uteroids weren't such powerful mystery-swamps, the GOP wouldn't have to police them with #light & #K9 units.
@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.