@AndyRichter: My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
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@Mr_Kapowski: Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill
@TheMichaelRock: I forgot my work ethic at home today, but I did remember to bring my shenanigans and debauchery.