@Furry_Beaver: My boss asked me why I'm late, apparently answering "because your wife wouldn't let me get out of bed" just gets you sent to HR.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast] "It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."
@KelgoreTrout: "911 whats your emerge-" I THOUGHT I COULD TAKE THESE PANTS OFF WITHOUT TAKING OFF MY SHOES
@Stryfe74: Forgetting what you went into the kitchen to get is one thing but, it's darn scary when you can't remember why you went into the bathroom!
@weinerdog4life: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, except for bears, bears will kill you.