@Underchilde: My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean out my desk as if he didn’t just see how lazy I am.
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@storming01: In a cementary, I saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. Morning, I said. No, he said, just taking a dump... .
@InternetHippo: FARMER: The storm destroyed half our crops TRUMP: Have you thought about taking the existing crops and just sort of combing them over th
@HatfieldAnne: Of course I don’t put Christmas presents under the tree for the CAT! That’s just silly. She gets a stocking.
@NicestHippo: [job interview] You sure you know what it means to be a real estate developer? [i picture myself yelling at a building to try harder] Yes