@SamDelanche: My boss just asked if I'm illiterate, which is offensive because I know exactly who my father is.
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@jordan_stratton: Whelp. It's December. That time of year when I have zero excuse for being so sweaty.
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
@robfee: Imagine being the kid that got cut from the team on Air Bud because they had to make a roster spot for a golden retriever.