@o__0Dev: My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve
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@AimeeHelene1: My diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
@Jmboyd58: *wife runs back into our house which is on fire* What are you doing!? W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
@doguacate: Listen. You've been saying this for the last eight and a half months. I still don't know what you're "expecting"