@o__0Dev: My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick.... Especially since his name is Steve
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@isabelzawtun: Archaeologist 1: she must have died suddenly, a mug of tea was still in her microwave Archaeologist 2: actually we carbon dated the tea and she died a week afterwards
@Reverend_Scott: [jumps in Uber] ME: HURRY I'M LATE UBER: [starts driving] ME: PULL OVER HERE [jumps out, pets dog] ME: [jumps back in] GO GO GO
@juhipande: I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early.
@outrrracheous: Remember: You don't owe anybody anything. Unless they killed someone for you. Then they probably deserve a nice gift card.