@bad_as_you_want: My boss said , "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume
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@julietactually: Saw this lady taking pics of stuff and I was like your camera is facing the wrong way, psycho
@coolidiot2000: [doctors exam] "I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps." -uh oh, what does that mean doc? "it means you're fat"
@ghostkrogh: Me (getting choked): who called it getting new tires Guy (who is choking me): how are you breathing Me (dying): and not a retirement plan