@bad_as_you_want: My boss said , "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume
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@markhoppus: Gonna replace my friends' hand sanitizer with lube and watch them rub their hands together for an hour while it doesn't evaporate.
@ppppolls: 30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from Aladdin. #NotTheOnion
@Bonkaz: Flies & moths are so dumb. You can fly anywhere in the world for free with no passport and you decide to fly into my room. You will die.