@Black__Elvis: My boss told me if I kept showing up late he'd give me a pink slip and I was like, how does he know about my tastes in women's underwear?
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@_oculusmundi: My moods don't just swing - they bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette.
@darksidedeb: Maybe I'm driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON'T KNOW.
@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.