@wendchymes: My boyfriend and I are into role playing-I pretend to be hotter and skinnier and he pretends not to be a Nigerian teen in an Internet cafe .
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@doktorj: Damn boy, are you the black jelly bean? Because I absentmindedly picked you, and now I regret having you in my mouth.
@MelvinofYork: As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some.
@UnFitz: [horse walks into a bar] Bartender: Why the long face? H: The world is spiraling down the crapper. BT: You're supposed to say- H: Just pour.