@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
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@noneofyours99: That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first.
@withanewname: Bacon: Toast, great tan! Eggs: Ham, you smell good! Ham: Thank you Eggs, you too! Toast: Bacon, you're awesome bro! -complementary breakfast
@Fred_Delicious: [On date] Her - "so your profile said you like classical music? I love Mozart & Bach, how about you?" Me - "Jurassic Park theme"
@Cryptoterra: after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host