@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
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@audipenny: friend: let's meet up soon me: *in the crow's nest of a ship docking outside your house* when though
@DothTheDoth: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle & explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.
@LoriLuvsShoes: When I punish my 16 I don't take away her phone I take away her charger and then I watch the fear in her eyes as her battery dies. It's fun
@MotherJonestown: STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows.