@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
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@ThisOneSayz: Marriage is like Disneyland. Magical at first but then you realize that there's someone else in the Mickey suit.
@causticbob: My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army. Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles.
@jilltwiss: My best guy friend and I vowed if we’re still single at 45, we def won't marry each other because who wants to marry someone no one likes?
@TravLeBlanc: Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis.