@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@online_rat: one time a girl told me she listens to "anything but country" so i played pterodactyl noises on on full volume the whole way to Ruby Tuesday
@BoomBoomBetty: A thick layer of mayonnaise on all your furniture will remove water rings from wood and unwanted guests from your house.
@chrisdelia: I'm pitching a show called "Walking Dad" where dads go around biting each other and then the people who get bitten become dads too.
@Marlebean: I like to impress a first date by pulling never ending toilet paper out of my bra like a magician. What's a second date like?