@lovemydogduck: My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
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@Tmoney68: BREAKING: California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. People who love picking up dog shit with their bare hands rejoice.
@Shame_Is: doctor: u are overweight me: hah yeah doc: ok drop your pants me: ur giving mixed messages doc! doc: me: doc: me: so do u like the Indians
@BatmanOffDuty: *Indian sending smoke signals* Buffalo... Coming... *other Indian replies* New... Fire... Who... Dis?
@lacybronze1: I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial