@thetigersez: My brother's girlfriend is meeting my family rn & my dad just offered to introduce her to my nana's ashes, this is the best night of my life
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@jus4golf: You're Twitter famous. Cool, cool. I won a dodgeball tournament in 3rd grade and I got a real trophy for that.
@Alex_N_Chains: Today on "Dora the Explorer", Dora and Boots learn there are some places they can't explore when Map leads them to an armed border patrol.
@FunnyTunes: Wife :'Darling, look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits.' Hubby : It's a scarf!
@codyspencer0: Somebody said "hey wanna eat this apple" and I said "no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"