@greenteam15: My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
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@AClkwrkStarfish: The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn't understand quite so well.
@Prince_Smarming: Imagine my surprise when I found out "restraining order" did not mean she wanted me to tie her up.
@chuuew: ME: Hi, I have a 3 o'clock RECEPTIONIST: Can I take your name? ME: No. I need it for work
@AbbieEvansXO: SERIAL KILLER: you can run but you can't hide ME: [crying] you believe in me more than my track coach ever did