@JimHeskett: My buddy used to say "why should I wash my towels? After I shower, I'm the cleanest thing in the room." He's still single.
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@chadzappa: is this your first day on the internet? men are men, women are men, and children are cops...
@PaperWash: Last minute gift idea: Give someone a bucket of water and tell them your sorry their ice sculpture melted
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.