@JimHeskett: My buddy used to say "why should I wash my towels? After I shower, I'm the cleanest thing in the room." He's still single.
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@phranqueigh: "You're not like the other girls." "Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."
@Phook75: It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name
@KyleMcDowell86: told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco