@_sweet_ham: My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Man starts having a heart attack on a United flight] Attendant: "Is there a doctor on board?" Ian: "I'm a-" *gets dragged off the flight*
@rodney_at_large: I saw your link on Facebook. What happened next will blow your mind.......I didn't open it.
@TheToddWilliams: Daddy, where do bananas come from? Well son, when a manana and a womanana really love each other...