@Sickayduh: My cat's tongue is like a little piece of sandpaper. I'm scratched to hell but this floor is almost finished.
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@robwhisman: ageism fascinates me because it's the only ism with this built-in inevitable irony. like, no racist gradually changes into a hispanic
@birbigs: A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
@Book_Krazy: [Dinosaur Rap Battle] We're gonna win this for sure! "Wait, what kind of dinosaurs are we again?" WE'RE RAPTORS! Jesus Christ Owen
@simoncholland: I tried to help by doing my daughter's hair once and a kind old lady offered her a hot meal and a warm place to sleep.