@Sickayduh: My cat's tongue is like a little piece of sandpaper. I'm scratched to hell but this floor is almost finished.
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@shanethevein: I'm sorry I punched you when you said "Facebook me". I thought you said "Face punch me".
@NewDadNotes: God: You found the Holy Grail! Me: cool, what does it do? God: drink from the cup and you shall live forever. Me: ew, that sounds awful. pass. God: you don’t want eternal li- Me: I said pass.
@psychogoddess: How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?? Dude,I already did my time.