@TheFunnySayings: My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
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@Troman88: I hope that when the zombies finally do come, they're all dyslexic and they only go after Brians.
@junejuly12: It's not cheating. Or money issues. Leaving drawers and cabinets open is the true test of a marriage.
@theshamingofjay: God: thou shall not kill Me: but my coworker whistles all day God: still no Me: he says ciao instead of goodbye God: do what you have to