@scott_towel: My childhood left me with unreal expectations about how often I would see pies used as weapons.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@E_lok44: [After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to.
@celestinelea90: *takes earrings out* *takes bracelet off* *slips out of shoes* *tears off jeans, shirt, bra* *shaves head* Ok Doc you can weigh me now
@jackiembouvier: Well, Jesus, now all Samsung's competitors have to say is "we won't blow up in your pocket and set you ablaze!"
@bridger_w: Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields