@scott_towel: My childhood left me with unreal expectations about how often I would see pies used as weapons.
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@Lexi__Alexandra: "Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. "I don't work here" I yelled back.
@markydoodoo: I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.
@yerpalmildsauce: I may not be the coolest guy in town but I am the coolest guy in my apar-- *cockroach wearing tiny leather jacket scuttles by*
@robfee: Sorry Im late, I was staring at a wall for an hour thinkin about how delicious that pizza looked on Home Alone 2 when Kevin got in the limo.