@heyevergreen: My circle of trust is a meatball
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@KalvinMacleod: Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car
@Darlainky: Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
@friendly_moon: [hostage situation] Any last words? "Nah, I'm good." If you insist. *puts gun to head* Say you're prayers. "You are prayers. Lol."
@Home_Halfway: WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.