@Classy_Cassy89: My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.
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@Cheese_Pile: [First day of class at law school] *raises hand* Hi, yes. When do we get our white, curly wigs?
@histwaddle: People need to stop judging a person by their appearance. Just because i have food stains on my shirt that doesn't mean i have kids.
@BuckyIsotope: Fired from my job as an autopsy technician for repeatedly asking "are you gonna eat that?" during the procedures.