@SteveSuckington: The average person eats 8 spiders a year
*eating 2nd bowl of spiders*
"WHO'S AVERAGE NOW DAD?"
@sageboggs: It's like my father always used to say, "[years of silent disappointment]"
@cheeky__gal: I've finally decided to do something about my weight ... lie.
@themiltron: [working at Bed Bath & Beyond]
ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for?
CUSTOMER: Shower head.
ME: Sir, please, we just met.
@LetsGoDoyers: Love your friends, crop dust your enemies in a crowded elevator.
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