@clyderun: My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.
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@longwall26: Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for "fun." We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity
@PetrickSara: My husband grabbed a lightsaber and challenged our daughter to a battle. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
@JermHimselfish: *takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*
@mattZillaaaa: Everyone on Instagram has pics of them at places all over the world & I'm like here's another shot of me from a different angle on my sofa