@EmoPhilips: My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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@sarcasticmommy4: Took my kids out to dinner & was quickly reminded why I never take them out to dinner.
@notacroc: [date] HER: the last guy i went out with was as boring as a sack of potatoes ME: [gets up from table] my son is a potato
@SteveSuckington: Her: "Add insult to injury why don't you" Me: "Your broken leg looks fat in that cast"
@GorillaNipples1: [after dinner] Me: I can’t eat another bite. Also me: *whimsically eats entire spongebob ice cream cake*