@Schmoodles: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
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@sofarrsogud: My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening.
@WowYoureFunny: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3x while carrying me to the car!
@jonnysun: i wonder how many time-travelers accidemtaly went back in time instead of forward but then saw a knight & thought "wow look at this robot!!"
@JustinGuarini: Before I had kids I never really reflected on life's little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?