@Schmoodles: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
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@carlyken: I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts.
@leathershirts: the iPhone 8 won't even come with headphones you'll have to imagine you're listening to music
@koala_hugs: a gymnast walks into a bar. she is immediately given a 0.0 and disqualified from Olympic trials. you're supposed to jump OVER the bar, idiot