@Schmoodles: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
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@3sunzzz: [notice son's not home] [text] Me: IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT! I SAID HOME BY 11! 17: You were my ride. Me: Oh. Where are you again?
@jimmytorosian: [Soldiers regrouping] Where's Jim? He went M.I.A. *Cut to Jim* ♫ All I wanna do *bang bang bang bang* *reloading noise* And shoot enemies ♫
@FinnMcIver: our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it
@EmilyZDavis: I can't believe this dog and a whole family just died because of a forgotten comma