@PhilJamesson: "My computer just crashed" is going to be a much more serious statement when self-driving cars are the norm
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@AmishPornStar1: I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave.
@HMittelmark: There is nothing like the sound of a child's laughter to remind you that your apartment is haunted.
@NurseMurderer: If a party with all dudes is called a "sausage fest", I request that we start calling all girl parties "taco time".
@TitansHomer: How do Mexicans cut their pizza? With Little Ceasars *drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage*