@PhilJamesson: "My computer just crashed" is going to be a much more serious statement when self-driving cars are the norm
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@KatieKatCubs: My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.
@TheRolo: Me: [Sits down to eat breakfast] Girlfriend: Babe, you forgot the French Toast Me: Oh sorry [raises glass] VIVE LA FRANCE!
@MartaEffing: Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered.
@MrSandeepP: I dont't want to die a virgin because that means I'll have to have sex with terrorists.