@PhilJamesson: "My computer just crashed" is going to be a much more serious statement when self-driving cars are the norm
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@djdarrellripley: Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!
@WritePlay: *I gently remove an eyelash from her cheek* "Make a wish," I say. *I am crushed by a T-Rex wearing a saddle seconds later*
@GlennyRodge: My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.
@Donna_McCoy: Some woman in this swimsuit department just said, "summer bodies are made in the winter" so I strangled her with my new beach wrap.