@tastefactory: My computer keeps giving me an error message saying "The Printer Can't Be Found." Uh buddy it's RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, HELLO
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@AndyRichter: After all this Starbucks cup controversy, if Taco Bell was smart, they'd start serving their burritos in little cardboard mangers
@LoveNLunchmeat: If someone dies from laced cocaine, does the coroner write "devastating blow" on the death certificate?
@GrantTanaka: [writes THIS IS A ROBBERY on a deposit slip, slides it to teller] [teller writes something, slides it back] NO THIS IS A DEPOSIT SLIP