@shawnspree: My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *eating before going in Costco* "Now I won't overeat samples* [5 mins later] *slams cup down* "Hit me again" "Sir, that was motor oil"
@MattFnWallace: And then come the thinkpieces. "ARE Cats Really iPhones?" "Why Telling People Who Think Cats Are iPhones They're Wrong Isn't the Answer"
@Brampersandon_: [Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that
@QwertyJones3: The woman who sits next to me at work just told someone she's surrounded by idiots. I feel bad for her.