@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
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@internetluke: [i fall down the stairs & break my back] Me: Siri, call me 911 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on Me: haha nice Siri: thanks 911
@DanMentos: me: *installs app that vibrates phone whenever I'm owned online* wife: do you hear bees
@GrowlyGrego: It's not an octopus. It's a water spider. And yes, so called "marine biologist", if you live in the ocean you swallow 8 of them every year.