@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
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@moose_chocolate: I routinely take 8 flights of stairs for no other reason than to avoid idle chit chat in the elevator. See, hating people can be healthy!
@DevilryFun: Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit.
@AnkCoupleTO: [Easter] Her: Where should I hide the eggs? Me: Not in your ovaries, I've already found two H: I was referring to our children M: So was I
@Darlainky: [liquor store] Him: Did you see a cat in here? I know I just heard purring. Me: *looking at huge boxed wine selection* Him: Oh, it's you.