@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
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@just1fool: Who, me? Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.
@BackrowSeats: Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident.
@NYC_Blonde: "You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you're at the gym when really you're out shopping" is the title of my autobiography.
@Bearslietoo: The people you lose sleep over don't lose sleep over you. So, help out and drunk dial them at 3AM....