@HysteriaBarbie: My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is
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@maebemarbles: Going to a baby shower and I'm real nervous, do they just kind of pour down on you? If you catch one do you have to keep it?
@qwertying: Daughter: Dad do Zombies exist? Dad: No dear they're people wearing lots of makeup. Daughter: Oh like mommy? Dad: Close enough.
@shutupmikeginn: Mentally fistfighting everyone I pass on sidewalk (watched action movie earlier) my record is 33-10 but to be fair I walked by a school.