@HysteriaBarbie: My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is
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@jjhartinger: [happy hour with friends discussing politics] me: I'm going to keep my mouth shut. alcohol: wanna bet.
@_troyjohnson: You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me." Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."
@hazelmotes1: Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.