@HysteriaBarbie: My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is
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@geraintgriffith: "This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing." "What's that Sarge?" "Someone's building a pig."
@ficklenuts: Me: “Alexa, put on some jazz and pour me a drink.” My daughter, Alexandra: “Stop calling me that! Crap like this is why I live with Dad!”
@RobynPorteous: Wanna know why I hate Vapers? You smell donuts or cotton candy and turn a corner thinking 'mmmm I'm gonna treat myself to something tasty.' But NO. It's just Brad and his cloud of LIES.