@HysteriaBarbie: My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is
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@seamussaid: Son: can I go? Dad: storm coming, tornado warnings Son: yeah I know Dad: wait for your brother to get home, he can continue the bloodline
@SamuelHLowe: - 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches.
@maybetomhanks: texts from ur dentist: 1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment 2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment! 3. I miss us lol 4. Ur just gna ignore me? lol. I've been in ur mouth